Originally written For Turnstiles issue 7
As I sat outside the eponymous Hotel Skjern knocking back a bottle of Danish craft lager in the warmth of the Jutland summer sun, people watching what little amount of human traffic this sleepy town had to offer I couldn’t help but feel lucky. Lucky in the sense that my job permits these little trips across Denmark. The reason for me finding myself in Skjern, a heavily handball orientated town situated in mid-Jutland west of Herning, I was awaiting a train connection back to Esbjerg. This coming after visiting a hidden gem of football club a few miles north. This club was Spjald IF. A team from a small blink and you miss it town whose home, the Spjald Stadion is a truly fantastic, charming venue and is one of my favourite grounds I have visited in my lifetime. Armed with the standard bag of cans and some of the wide array of Haribos Denmark has to offer, I watched the home side defeat FB Herning 3 v 1 in the 9th tier of the Danish football pyramid while basking in glorious sunbeams. But glorious doesn’t come close to cover the set up here. With one wing with a patioed area complete with grill creating the wonderful aroma of cooked pork that twice twisted my arm into parting with some Krone to get my Frankfurter fix. This being flanked by a makeshift bar serving up pints of Tuborg Classic for cheaper than most places in Denmark. (As a side note cheap beer is a common theme at the football across the country). Despite the culinary delights on this side, and the blazing sun doing its work on my shaved head I was far more besotted with the opposite wing with its stunning wooden stand. Pocket sized yes, but phantastic things can come in petite packages, and I found this triple rowed piece of football architecture truly spectacular. Possibly a fire hazard, but an amazing looking focal point for this great wee club and superlative generating to say the least.
But back to staring out at Skjern Torv from my hotel berth. I got thinking back through the previous twenty-three years and how I ended up in the truly wonderful country that is Denmark. A country I have become truly enamoured with and would put as my favourite country out with my own. It is one in which I have found myself embracing football at all levels from Europa League down to the 11th tier. From seeing Lazio get humbled 5 v 1 by Midtjylland and watching Rafael van der Vaart playing in the 10th tier it has been an incredible year stopping in on 18 grounds (more incoming) to date with Midtjylland’s MCH Arena and Esbjerg’s Bluewater Arena more than once. While I am not eating sausages and endeavouring to drink the countries stock of lager, I work offshore out of Esbjerg pissing about with rotating equipment. A field which I have been involved with for my entire twenty-three-year post school life. From apprentice to the current day, it is all I have known but it almost didn’t happen……
Head back to when I sixteen. I was told by my dad “you must get a trade”. He was well positioned to give me advice given his own chosen vocation as a guidance teacher at Peterhead Academy, and he has given me plenty over the years, whether it involved playing fitba, general life instruction or personal life direction he is a sensible and wise man. His theory on my working life was if I have a trade then no matter what I do , I will always have something to fall back on. First piece of superb advice. This led to my CV being flung about companies mostly in Aberdeen and predominantly looking to become an electrician, however one CV was sent to a company in my hometown which was of a more mechanical bias. This not really being what I fancied spending my life doing to earn a crust but the fact it was on the doorstep gave it appeal hence why I applied. Positive replies came back my way. I sat many trade tests and attended countless interviews. This leading to job offers from pretty much all of them. My dad sat me down and talked me through all the pros and cons, but in truth told me that I would be an idiot not to take the job on the doorstep. I was not too keen however after a bit of badgering from the wise old man I decided he was correct and took the job in my town of Ellon. Unbeknown at the time, it was the best advice I had ever received from him or anyone.
Fast forward to the present as I write this piece from my desk in the North Sea. I am set to head back onshore tomorrow and will be attending the 11th tier of the Danish pyramid on the night before flying home to Aberdeen the following day. Most people who head to Billund are doing one of two things. Either heading to Legoland or travelling through Billund Airport which is one of the main hub airports in the country. I on the other hand will be armed with the standard bag of tinnies and Haribos visiting the Billund Stadion for an encounter between Billund IF and FB (Firehøje Bredsten). This will take Denmark clear in the lead of clubs visited to nineteen and will be followed on my return to work with a trip to Brøndby who entertain AGF. That will take my tally to twenty clubs and twenty-five games. These visits have all been possible through my profession I find myself in.
But the “work games” date back a long way as my job has facilitated such sojourns around other countries in the past too. It all started with a Nottingham Forest v PSV friendly in 2011 when I found myself in Newark-on-Trent for a week. Since that night at Cloughie’s old stomping ground I have been very fortunate and visited many clubs, Ajax, Borussia Dortmund, ADO Den Haag, Fortuna Dusseldorf, Le Havre, Utrecht, and Preston North End to name a few. Then there are the indirect results of work where I have gone to meet work mates in places such like Middlesbrough and Lochee and there is a trip to Ardrossan coming at some point. None of this would have happened if I didn’t listen to my dad and his good sense. If I took the sparkie route, would any of this have happened? There is an extremely high chance that the answer is no as the route I ended up taken was directly linked with the oil and gas industry which made it easier to fall into the career path I have taken.
If I chose the man in a van approach, there is no way I would have seen the countries I have seen. Off the top of my head, I can count twenty-three different nations visited in through work. I have popped in on some spectacular cities but taking the rough with the smooth I have also ended up in not so salubrious destinations. They have all been life experiences in their own way. I have met some great people, some who are still friends to this day even though we have moved on and slog it out in different places now. Moreover, and most importantly I would have missed out on the multiple football voyages I have been blessed enough to take on which includes thirty-two grounds racked up across Europe to date. I could bet you my house I wouldn’t have celebrated my 100th visited club in the Hague where ADO Den Haag faced VVV. Then staying in the Netherlands where numerous games have been attended via work and social visits over the years, Kasper Dolberg’s perfect hat trick in amongst Ajax bagging five versus NEC at a gale force wind battered Amsterdam Arena would have passed me by entirely. This also being a match which brought me my first ever indoor game. Dusseldorf gave me the incredible hospitality and general pleasantness of the locals over two nights on the banks of the Rhine which included a match versus Sandhausen. On the night of the match, I met up with a punter from the previous evenings beer-a-thon who told me he had a gift for me and to meet up the following evening in a certain boozer. This being a programme from November 1979 from when the German side faced my own team Aberdeen at Pittodrie. An incredible gesture summing up in a nutshell how magnificent the city and people of Dusseldorf are. Another experience I would have not been able to tell the tale of was a visit to PEC Zwolle who were hosting Groningen at the IJsseldelta Stadion. The visitors were leading when on the hour mark the game was abandoned due to lightning. A first and probably a last for me. Incredible goings on with the forks and flashes which seemed like they were only meters above the pitch and not in the bright pink sky. A sight I will never forget. The piercing cracks of electricity sounded so close it was as if someone was thrashing the stairs next to me with a whip. A totally surreal and unforgettable night that one. Amiens also saw an abandonment due to fog. A real pea souper that should have been called off long before it was. I was situated in the stand behind one of the goals yet couldn’t see the goal such were the visibility issues. This leading to taking on a three-course meal, including my first ever encounter with escargot and an inevitable bucket load of red wine in a local restaurant instead of watching Amiens vs Stade Reims. Utrecht also threw up a good night after getting to chat to locals in the stand in amongst some pungent weed stink. After spending the second half blethering away, I was invited into the members only bar for a few scoops where I wasn’t allowed to put my hand into my pocket all night. A good time of swapping stories of watching football in affable company. This despite finding out I was surrounded by Rangers followers. This coming due to Michael Mols and his transfer to Glasgow.
It is my latest project where I have come into my own in terms of football watching though. Since heading to Denmark in September 2022, and along with developing an unhealthy habit of Digestive biscuit devouring, I have attended 11 steps of the DBU pyramid with the Europa League and Conference League thrown into the mix too and with a couple of friendlies in there to fill some gaps when struggling for a fix. I am mad for it and have attended games at every opportunity given to me. Starting off with a coupon buster in Herning where Midtjylland destroyed Lazio in the Europa stunning the Italians with a 5-1 win. An incredible performance leaving me and the native Jutlanders astounded at goings on in the fan bar post-match. This was not the last time I supped an amber delight in clubs bar due to multiple visits in the not-so-distant future. From here I sampled the fruits of the lower league with visits to local clubs to Esbjerg. Hjerting IF, Coconut Lions and HTS came in a week or so. The latter flinging an anomaly my way by hosting a fully Romanian team in Aadum IU. Then came Ribe BK and the opportunity to visit the oldest city in Scandinavia. A truly wonderful place. Beautiful on the eye with the centre piece of Vor Frue Maria Domkirke standing tall in the centre. This cathedral dates to 1150 and really is a sight to behold. But the age of the town is there for all to see everywhere you look. A spectacular place to visit. The Europa Conference came next when a trip across Jutland saw a visit to Silkeborg v Anderlecht on a pitch that resembled QPR’s green concrete Astroturf of the 80s. The game was pretty one sided in the way of the Belgians with nothing much of note, however almost smashing into a bevy of deer on the way back to Esbjerg was a closer call that it should have been. After Silkeborg came as chance to watch some games at the sports complex that surrounds the Bluewater Arena in Esbjerg. Bigger Danish teams often have lower league teams as well as their main side. This allowed me to watch two other Esbjerg sides in Esbjerg (1) and Esbjerg (2). This also permitted me to visit the EfB clubhouse which is chocked full of great memorabilia from days gone by inclusive of their all dominant 1960’s side. One of these lesser sides turned out to be an old boys’ team which included numerous ex-pros including with hundreds of Superliga appearances between them. This complete with the familiar face of ex-St Johnstone man Tommy Lovenkrands. But more interestingly Rafael van der Vaart was on show too. At the time he was the assistant manager of the full team. The legs were long gone, a gut had appeared, but the brain was still there as you could see by his use of the ball. Next up was the full Esbjerg team a couple of times against B93 and Brabrand over two weekends. Two wins came in this tidy arena, one which is far too good for the third tier, but tables don’t lie and after two consecutive relegations and a failure in promotion last season they are where they are, but I wish them luck in their quest as there are some very decent people support the club. Vejen was then visited for a promotion/relegation playoff between Skovlund IF and Bække SF which threw up a superb 3 v 2 victory saving Skovlund from relegation. The best game I have watched in the country to date, topped off with finding a Bryghus joined onto the towns brewery to spend an hour and a half prior to the train home. A trip to south Jutland gave me my first taste of the second tier with SønderjyskE narrowly losing to a last-minute goal from Vejle in the freezing cold Haderslev wind. The next trip to work saw me taking advantage of a winter shut down friendly when I headed across to the next island from Jutland, Funen. This to Odense to watch Marienlyst lose 1-0 to local neighbours Naesby. The fourth tier then beckoned and at what a venue awaited me in Middelfart where in amongst a woodland, one of the quaintest and beautiful grounds awaited me accompanied by some of the loveliest people I have had the pleasure of speaking to at a game. The title chasing home side defeating Young Boys (not the Bern mob) 3 v 2. Another cracking spectacle to add to the Danish adventures. Then it something I never thought I would see, a match between the same club, but Denmark threw up the goods and the pre-mentioned Skjern was where I was to witness it when Skjern GF played Skjern GF (2). I say played, but I mean walloped with the big team triumphing 9 v 0. More local Esbjerg football beckoned next when I took on the brilliantly badged Esbjerg Eagles on the edge of the city. As I sat down with my bag of cans in the sun kissed sports park, I noticed one of my bosses was deployed at full back for the Eagles, when he noticed me, he told me to speak to the guy in the grey jumper as it was his old man who was over on holiday, this leading to a conversation in Esbjerg between two Aberdeenshire dwelling Aberdeen fans on Aberdeen FC. That cannot be a common occurrence or ever happened at all for that matter. The Eagles came away with a 3 v 1 victory and I scored a lift back to the city centre. Result. This leading me to the trip to Spjald and sitting beer in hand feeling very contented on how my working career panned out and how much I am hooked on the fantastic country that is Denmark and its football it has bestowed on me. ***
Yes, there is a lot more to life than football and I have gained a lot more than grass, goals and spent beer cans in my working career. I have had an uncountable amount of life experiences, good and bad that I could talk about. I am well and truly more cultured than I could have been. I have progressed in my career as the years have passed and I have gained many pals too. However, the football part is a perk the rest just happens in a profession over time. Football wise I don’t think I would have managed to relish and embrace as much as I have if my dad didn’t sit me down all those years ago. So in the year the great man turned 70 years old, I pay tribute to him and have and will raise many a glass of Carlsberg/aquavits (delete as applicable) to the wise man and his erudite words, as without his counselling my life would have been entirely different, and I can guarantee I would never have known a team from Esbjerg called Coconut Lions existed. Legend is bandied around a bit too much, but I think it’s appropriate to describe my old boy. Cheers dad if my kids think as highly of me as I do of you, I will die a happy man.
***After Spjald another six clubs were visited including the mighty Brøndby with revisits to Midtjylland and the Esbjerg lower league team with more cans and Haribo devoured. What a truly brilliant two years it was. Imagine I went down the sparky route
FITBAWBAG 